Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: argument, boyfriend, cleaning, ex, paul carvel, quotation, reality, relationship, turtle
The Pirate and I had a brief spat yesterday. We were cleaning the oven, I tried to help him with his bit (cleaning the gunk off the wire racks) and he reacted like an insolent fourteen year old.
I hate the person that he thinks I am.
He sees me as a controlling, bossy bitch who gets stroppy when she doesn’t ‘get her own way’. I swear I’m not – I have been described as ‘too laid back’ on occassion. He just sees suggestions as commands and requests as orders. Another example – I recently asked him if he’d help me clean out the turtle’s tank.
Yes, he said.
Really? I asked.
Definitely, he replied.
When?
Right now.
I got started, and when there was no sign of him after ten minutes I went back into him and asked again.
Just tell me if you’re not going to help, I don’t mind doing it alone.
I will.
Ok.
Still no sign. I asked a third time and he angrily joined me, stomping, slamming doors and creating drama any way possible. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have kept asking – but surely he should have just told me he didn’t want to help? He’s afraid of the word ‘no’. Terrified. Which leads to situations like the above on a regular basis.
This is possibly the dullest post I’ve ever written, but I do find it fascinating the way people twist reality to fit in with their own illusions. As far as he’s concerned, I demanded that he help straight away and got angry because he didn’t. As far as I’m concerned, he said he’d do something then didn’t do it, which led to me reacting reasonably distressed. Which one of us is right?
The operative word in the opening line above is ‘brief’. We got over it in record time. Because I know I don’t have to put up with this forever, that I’m not going to live with him for long, that we’re not going to have kids, because his issues have nothing to do with me anymore. Phew.
In other news, we’re going on a last minute sun holiday together. Yep. I’m packing a suitcase full of books I’ve been looking forward to reading, and leaving my phone at home. Heaven. And I think we’ll get along fine – there might be a disagreement or two, but that’s why we broke up, right?!
Ever been on holidays with your ex? Ever realised how incompatible you were because you had different methods of oven cleaning, or something equally ridiculous? I broke up with someone because I hated his shoes, and someone else because he was so tall that I could always see up his nose. As far as I’m concerned, if little things like that bother you there’s no point in pretending it’s ever going to work.
(The title is a quote from Paul Carvel.)
Filed under: wisdom | Tags: confucius, earth, emotion, heaven, junkmail, quotation, self-awareness, volcano
Every time I turn this on I sift through all my junkmail. I’m beginning to realise that there’s rarely anything ‘important’ – my ex-boyfriend stays in touch and we exchange plans for world domination, I get occasional correspondance from people I know who like to share photos of themselves doing exciting things in exotic places, but mostly it’s emails from people with names like Melba McKee who want to sell me viagra or penis-enlarging pills.
My all-time favourite was a promise of an ‘emotional volcano’. I think I’ve met a few emotional volcanoes – people who display tiny ripples on the surface but you can tell there’s a potential natural disaster lurking not too far beneath. What’s really fascinating is that these people are often unaware of the inner turmoil. I’m sure you’ve met or know people like this too – you get a glimpse of the chaos when they yell at a red light or curse at an incompetent waiter, completely oblivious to the fact that these outbursts are caused by their own problems, and not the world around them.
It brings me right back to self-awareness, and this:
“Whoever knows essentially his own nature, can know also that of other men and can penetrate into the nature of beings. He can collaborate in the transformation and the progress of heaven and earth.” Confucius
And yes, I’m aware that the original email was referring to something completely different. To be quite honest, I’m not sure that I want emotional volcanoes of any kind in my life right now. And my own nature? I don’t know it yet, but I’m learning.
