Filed under: LOVE, Literature, Relationships, Single life, philosophy | Tags: alexander mccall smith, decorating, dr.seuss, femme, kids, law of three, Literature, milan kundera, mo willems, muffin, nephew, pirate, roald dahl, unbearable lightness of being, unlikely valentine
It was a busy weekend. A few hours of muffin baking and story telling with my niece and nephew this morning. Our current favourite read is this one:
‘Today I Will Fly’ by Mo Willems- a huge hit because of the beautifully simple storyline and hilarious illustrations. My nephew almost wept with laughter the first time we read it a few weeks ago – and insisted on hearing it again as soon as I got to the end! I LOVE it the way I love Dr.Seuss and Roald Dahl books – seriously funny stuff.
I have to include my favourite illustration:
I’m reading an Alexander McCall Smith book at the mo and loving that too – ‘The Right Attitude to Rain’.
Kids and fiction aside, it’s been a hectic few days. I’ve moved into the biggest bedroom in the house – the Pirate decided to stay after all but has moved upstairs to a more private room with an en suite. The Femme took my wee room and I took the Pirate’s old one. Phew. I’ve created some artwork for my walls using vinyl, and also turned my books into a feature by creating invisible shelves. I’ll get some pics up eventually – it’s still a work in progress.
I’m 25 years old, and this is the first time I’ve really made a HOME somewhere. The thought of settling down permanently scares the living daylights out of me, but this feeling of being established in a little community is wonderful and somehow exhilarating.
Speaking of exhilaration… I haven’t spoken to the Unlikely Valentine for quite some time. The character of Tomas in The Unbearable Lightness of Being abides by the Law of Three - when in a casual relationship he’ll see the same person only a) once every three weeks or b) three times in a row and never again. I can’t remember what the principle behind the law was, but I think I might try it for a while – it might prevent the passion of my next dalliance from being so quickly extinguished.
You might be able to tell from reading this that my thoughts are a little disjointed right now - I’m distracted by plans for tomorrow, ideas for decor and, as always, Big Questions. Does he think about me? Why do I spend so much time thinking about him when I can’t even imagine us being together?
(Did I mention that he laughs like John Travolta as Danny in Grease?)
Filed under: LOVE, Literature, Relationships, Single life, breakup, patriotism, philosophy, wisdom | Tags: boardgame, christmas, cooking, friends, housemates, ireland, LOVE, napoleon dynamite, new year, passion, philosophy, pirate, romance, trad, unlikely valentine
Hope everybody out there had a Happy Everything.
Christmas and New Year here were manic – I had three friends stay for New Year’s Eve, which turned into a week and a half of non-stop reminiscing, philosophising, dancing and romance. As a result of the madness, I’m really enjoying the silence in the house the last couple of days - everyone is settling back into their daily lives. I’m feeling very homely, cooking and baking every day. I’m broke, but I can always find the cash for fresh ingredients and kick-ass coffee.
In good old ring out the old, ring in the new tradition, the Pirate and I have decided to go our separate ways. For real this time! We’re really enjoying living together as friends, but there were a few awkward moments over the festive season as the Unlikely Valentine and his friends spent quite a lot of time here. It’s time to move on. The Pirate has given his notice on the property and started the search for new digs.
Napoleon Dynamite returned yesterday after a looong absence. He got me a Silverchair album for Christmas – he remembered that Ana’s Song is one of my all-time favourites. Sweet kid. I feel wretched as I gave in and drank the bottle of whiskey I’d bought him during one of our Big Nights. I’ll replace it with a more expensive bottle to make amends.
It was so wonderful to catch up with everyone over the holidays – two of my guests travelled from Germany, and one from England. It was amazing to be reunited with the most special people in my life for a few days. They’re my kind of girls – up for anything, and willing to analyse it all the next morning over breakfast pints! The biggest theme of the week was PASSION. I’ve been having my Christmas Fling with the Unlikely Valentine, the Femme has been enjoying a dalliance with a local bad boy, and the girls met a few interesting characters while they were here.
The situation with the Unlikely Valentine is as complicated as ever, but I think he’s out of my system for now. I saw a LOT of him over the holidays, and we moved our relationship up a few notches – introductions to friends, prearranged rendezvous, and boardgames. Where’s the excitement?! I got used to waking up beside him every morning, discovered where the stash of loo roll is kept, and grew familiar with the in-jokes. I’ve had high fives from his mates, and he even offered to cook me dinner one night. Enough with the romance already!
All I ever wanted from him was passion. And with the time we’ve spent together, that passion has faded. To put it very crudely, “If he doesn’t want to strip me naked and fuck me on the kitchen counter every now and then, what’s the point?” That’s an excerpt from a conversation with friends last week, and I have the feeling it’s going to stay with me a while.
The Femme, meanwhile, has ditched her bad boy due to similar issues and raised her standards. She will now only consider a relationship with a man who can answer the following questions:
a) Who is Charlotte Bronte?
b) Who wrote The Grapes of Wrath?
c) Who is your favourite poet?
With the return of Napoleon yesterday we decided a few drinks were in order. The four of us (The Pirate, Napoleon, The Femme and myself) went to one of our favourite pubs for the Monday night trad session. The place is a legend – great music, perfect pints, local poets and a cosy winter atmosphere. The Femme and Napoleon excused themselves early, and The Pirate and I were left to remember times past and discuss the new dynamics of our friendship. Time well spent.
I’d like to make a New Year’s toast - to true friends, literate men and happy homes. Happy New Year!
Filed under: Hobby, LOVE, Parents, Pets, Relationships, Single life | Tags: family, fish, Fred, new pet, nightclass, pirate, sage, Single life, terrapin
I was recently told that my Spirit Guides want me to cut all ties with The Pirate. I’m not quite sure who these guides are, or if they are, but I went against their advice today. The Pirate and I have bought a pet – a terrapin who has been named Fred.
It wasn’t planned; a trip to TK Maxx led to the purchase of a vase and a desire to fill it with fish. The ensuing visit to the pet shop was the beginning of a love affair with a reptile, who has been happily installed in the corner of our sitting room. Does this make us a family?
The fish are on the coffee table, which means I can see them out of the corner of my eye when I’m sitting on the couch. I like to keep busy, but I DO spend a lot of time on the couch – my bedroom is strictly for sleeping, and the couch is where I watch TV, work, Google things, and keep an eye on any culinary projects that I have running in the kitchen. The fish have been here for a couple of days now, and there’s a big change in the energy in the room. It’s much more alive, and I’m slightly on edge. I’m sure it will take all four of us (the terrapin, the fish x 2, and me) a few days to adjust.
The Pirate and I have already agreed that whichever one of us eventually keeps the terrapin will financially reimburse the other. I’m sure he’ll lose interest soon enough – he was a bit shocked to discover they can live for 25 years.
The fish are mine.
The Sage is once again asking when we’ll both be in the same city at the same time… part of me wants to jump onto a bus and head straight there in order to relive our wonderful night together. But most of me wants to stay here, Googling Terrapin info and choosing nightclasses to attend this year. Uncomplicated, single life is a treat.
Filed under: LOVE, Relationships, Single life | Tags: bling date, boyfriend, fresh start, LOVE, matchmaker, pirate, plan b, sage
Life took me by surprise today.
I was having a lazy, uninteresting, uninspired afternoon. Vegetarian Shepherd’s Pie was as exciting as things got around here. Until I got a call from a wonderful friend of my mams – an aspiring matchmaker. She’s been trying to introduce me to someone for months, and was delighted to hear The Pirate and I are no longer an item.
We agreed that Someone could call me, and that I’d keep myself free until I meet him! He got in touch earlier on, and he’s fantastic. We haven’t met, and won’t until next week, but I like him. It’s hard to make a good first impression when there’s so much pressure, and he did brilliantly.
I also heard from Plan B this afternoon. Plan B and I met randomly a long time ago, but I’m convinced we knew each other in a past life, or something… we connected so well when we met that I didn’t even ask him what he did for months. We’ve never had the need for small talk. I christened him Plan B straight away, and the name has stuck within my circle of friends. The Pirate was Plan A at the time.
If you’re wondering where The Sage comes into all of this, I’m not sure that he does. He was really keen to meet up last weekend, but changed his mind at the last minute. That’s fine with me, but he managed to turn it into some kind of drama… he didn’t explain himself at all, then said ‘I’m just fucked up’ and hung up. Hmm. It was his idea to meet up, and neither of us really had the time for it - I wouldn’t have suggested it in the first place. I’m fine with us not seeing each other until it happens of its own accord, which it eventually will. He’s called a few times since, and I enjoy our conversations, but that’s as far as it’s going for now.
I’ve promised to save myself for this mysterious Someone, which is exciting in itself – and also saves me the effort of thinking about anyone else for a while.
Filed under: LOVE, Relationships, Single life | Tags: first kiss, moving on, pirate, sage
When we broke up, I liked the idea of The Pirate hanging around for a while. Most people think the fact that we live together is strange, but it’s given us the opportunity to get to know each other as friends again. I know myself well enough at this stage to realise that I’d think about him a lot more if I didn’t see him - the fact that we see each other regularly means I’m not spending my time wondering where he is or who he’s with.
I also thought it would be nice to ease back into single life – with the pirate still living here, I’m not going to adopt anyone from the pub or host late night get togethers that could lead to trouble.
With these practical measures in place, I was all set to enjoy a few months of being alone. My life was bound to be a man-free zone for the foreseeable future.
So it’s with some surprise that I’m writing this tonight – a post about the magical, romantic weekend that still has my head spinning. I mentioned a wise friend of mine a while ago. This weekend, we’re more than just friends.
The Sage lives and works a couple of hours away from here, so we email often and rendezvous when we can. We had dinner on Saturday night, not a ‘date’ but simply a need to eat. We talked, the way we do, and I began to realise that from the moment our friendship began a few months ago he was the person I wanted to see most. We have a few friends in common, and when we meet them all we do is talk to each other – nobody else matters.
As the night drew on we grew physically closer – leaning in to hear one another’s words, hands on arms, arms on waists, until finally we were standing face-to-face and there was a lull in the conversation. We both knew what would happen next, but let the moment hang in the air, enjoying it. That kiss was incredible. His warm breath on my skin, the gentle touch of his hands, the space between us electrified.
I’m not going to mention the rest of the night, but I will say that I always think the first kiss with someone new is a hint at what is yet to come. That kiss was genuine. Sensitive. Slow. Satisfying.
We won’t see each other for a few weeks, but I don’t mind. I’m still letting The Pirate go, and I need space and time to do it.
Filed under: LOVE, Single life | Tags: bedroom, break-up, ex, family, pirate, violence
I’ve mentioned the breakup. It was amicable. The aftermath has been wonderful. The Pirate and I realised, a long time ago, that we’re not ’soulmates’. What we were then, and are now, is housemates.
I’ve moved back into the small bedroom (because I love the cheap rent, and because his huge TV wouldn’t fit in there anyway) and I’ve decided it’s time to make it feel like mine. I’ve been telling myself for the past year that my situation here is temporary; that I might get back on a plane and jet off into the sunset at any moment. Now I’m glad to realise that life here is worth sticking around for, and it’s time to make this house a home.
I’ve been picking up beautiful things this week, and reluctantly deciding whether they go in the office or in the house. Both places are starting to feel inhabited. Loved, even.
I spent the weekend with my wonderful grandfather again. It’s scary how some people in your life can fall by the wayside when one person is on the receiving end of most of your love and affection. I think I’m a better person when I’m single – more generous with my time, and my feelings.
The Pirate is fine. We chatted last night when I got home, sitting on his bed drinking Capri Sun. The main topic of conversation was my friend M, whose life is a soap opera. Her ex-boyfriend became her fiance for a brief moment on Saturday night. Yesterday he hospitalised the man M had been seeing since the break-up.
Somehow I think he wasn’t the right man for her.
Filed under: LOVE, Single life | Tags: break-up, LOVE, pirate, rebirth, single
There have been a few tears, a lot of laughter and numerous pots of tea this past week. All steps along the way to readjusting to single life, I suppose.
Truthfully, it’s been a magical week. I’ve woken up every morning ready to embrace the day, and enjoyed every moment. Ice cream in the park, alone. Lunch in town, alone. Reading all the books I’ve been meaning to. Smiling at strangers. Laughing out loud at… the weather, other people’s children, life.
I spent a few days with my wonderful grandfather, and was grateul for the fact that I could really give my attention to him the way he needed. In fact, I’ve been able to give myself more fully to everything this week - I have no distractions, no plans, no commitments.
I feel as if life is an adventure again. And that’s exactly what life should be.
I don’t want security, I don’t want romance, I don’t want monogamy. I just want to live every moment to the full, enjoy all my friends as I should, and treasure my family for the wonderful people that they are.
I might sound like I’m over-dramatising the situation when I say I feel ‘reborn’ – but it’s the only way I can describe this wonderful sense of freedom and energy that I have. People have commented that I’m glowing, and I feel as if I am.
Relationships can get to the point where whether you admit it or not, it’s over. We could have another few months, years even, but it’s already over.
Yeah, sometimes it’s not what you do that counts, it’s what you don’t do. We go nice places, we eat out for dinner, I take photos that make us look interesting.
We don’t talk. We don’t touch, much. We don’t laugh as much as we should, or smile as easily as we used to.
Every word that passes between us is infused with indifference.
The only passionate exchanges we have lately are arguments, and even then the passion is one-sided. He barely says a word, answers almost every question with ‘I don’t know’, and grits his teeth until I give up and walk away.
Walk away.
I complained earlier today about how, well, dull our life is sometimes. And I was promptly told that it’s a matter of how you choose to look at life.
Ah, he doesn’t say much, but when he does he often surprises me with his insight. Of course it’s a matter of perspective; almost everything is.
Life isn’t dull – I’m just a little lazy right now. We’ve booked a holiday for next week which will surely jolt me out of the lethargic state I’ve grown accustomed to over the last few weeks.
This holiday has real potential. I’m very excited at the prospect of canoeing and camping. He doesn’t seem excited about anything, but then he never does.
(Unless it involves the pub.)
Things are good between us right now, but the thought that we’re just delaying the inevitable has entered my mind on a few occassions.
There are some people you meet who you instantly connect with on a level you can barely recognise; a connection that runs deeper than words or actions. Just by sharing the same space, the same air, by sitting close to one another, you KNOW each other. You don’t need to talk, or make promises, because you both understand that yes, you’ll see each other again, that the other person is as aware of the connection as you are.
The Pirate was never one of those people. We seem to live life on different frequencies – we see and hear different things, care about different things, right down to the way we think about birthdays and cups of tea.
My wise aunt once pointed out the biggest difference between me and my wonderful sister. To me, life and everything in it is about the journey. The step by step process of making things happen, of watching things unfold, of enjoying the moments along the way. My sister is more concerned with the destination – I don’t fully understand what this means to her, but I know she’s more interested in the outcome of a particular event than she is in the event itself. I think the Pirate is like that too – to me, he seems impatient and disinterested, but he’s probably just seeing things from his own perspective.
Maybe he’s all the bad things, and I keep making excuses.
I’ve taken a bit of a holiday these last few weeks – from the business, from my life, from myself somehow. I feel as if I’m standing on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen. It’s not like me at all; my mind is usually buzzing with thoughts and ideas, I talk at ninety miles an hour, I live and breathe the work that I do.
Now, it all seems a little distant. I’ve had clients, super sessions, and people are getting results, but I’m not that excited by it. I sit down to work and end up looking for GHDs on ebay or dowloading Agatha Christie games… mindless stuff that seems to be keeping me busy. I have fleeting thoughts about the business, little flashes of inspiration now and then, but I can’t seem to process them. I have scraps of paper covered with marketing ideas and deadlines that are festering away on my bedroom floor. I turned one over yesterday to scribble a meatpie recipe on the back, and spent the afternoon in the kitchen.
I wish I knew what I was waiting for. I have a meeting this weekend that could be the future. I think I need someone to give me some encouragement at this stage, someone who is willing to put as much of themselves into this as I do. Someone who will get excited about the prospects and possibilities that lie before us. Maybe the problem is that I think too much, have too many ideas, and end up unsure of where to focus my efforts. Torn between my various passions, easily distracted by long lunches and endless cups of tea.
Regardless, I need to move on with things. The pirate and I have had a few weeks to settle into a routine that works for us both, and there’s nothing else on my mind these days. He’s been fantastic, lately. He’s so sure of me, more than I am of myself sometimes. He doesn’t say much, but we spoke about my work last weekend, and his confidence in me was such a boost.
It’s time to get back into the driving seat.
**Life shouldn’t be a spectator sport.**
