Filed under: LOVE | Tags: boyfriend, breakup, future, LOVE, mystery, the end
I’ve been doubting our future since May. Last night a wise friend told me that I’d already made my decision – that even spelling my name out in the stars shouldn’t make a difference at this point.
So I spoke to The Pirate this morning, and far from making romantic gestures or proclaiming his everlasting love, he agreed. Neither of us wants to get to the point where we hate one another, and it looks like things were heading that way.
And we agreed that it’s over. That we’ve had some great times, but that we don’t have a future. That we want to be friends, and nothing more.
And I’ve been at peace with the decision, and the consequences, all day. I realised a long time ago that security is an illusion – nothing in our lives is set in stone. My life today is no different to yesterday; my future is still a mystery, and the path I take will still be an adventure.
The Pirate, and our year together, will always stay with me. My love for him, and his for me, will always be part of our lives.
Oh man.
Maybe it’s because NOTHING in my life is stable, that I need him to be…….. maybe it’s because I have serious doubts about our future that I want him to, just, deal with somehow…….. maybe it’s because his friends are incapable of having a conversation, and because he’s so quiet……… I don’t know……..
I know I love him, I do, I want to be with him, and hold him, and touch him, and some nights I don’t want to let him go…………..
But we don’t talk, much, and he doesn’t show he cares, much, or maybe he does, but it’s HIS way, and not mine………
And do we laugh much, or enough, or at all, and when was the last time he made me laugh til I cried, or gave me a pain in my stomach, or made me feel really beautiful and special and needed………. because I need that, it’s not enough to be endured, I need to be enjoyed, every moment I give to him should be cherished…………..
And am I just upset tonight because he’s making time for his friends when he can never seem to make time for me, but why can’t he make time for me, or why doesn’t he want to, and if he doesn’t, then we shouldn’t be together, should we?
