Filed under: LOVE, Relationships, Single life | Tags: bridesmaid, comb-over, confidence, judgement, mammy, neanderthal, self-esteem, tracksuit, unemployed, wedding
I have this friend – seriously, it’s not me – who is going out with one of the most repulsive creatures I’ve ever met. It’s not the fact that he’s 30 and unemployed (forgivable in the current economic climate, though as far as I’m aware he hasn’t worked for years) or even the fact that he still lives with his mammy. It’s not just the comb-over or the way he owns a wardrobe full of tracksuits, and not much else. It’s not his thick Irish country accent or his inability to formulate a full sentence without resorting to grunts and nods. It’s a combination of all of these things, and the fact that he speaks to her as if she were a slightly lesser human being simply because she’s female.
Enough about him. What’s worse is that she acts completely oblivious to all of the above, and spends all her time talking about how she’s ‘never felt like this before’, how he’s a ‘keeper’, and how she can imagine their wedding day already. She prides herself on giving him space (she detests ‘clingy’ girlfriends) and not having any expectations of him. Lucky guy.
What really bothers me is that I don’t think she has any real feelings for him at all. Not just because I find him hideous, but because I’ve seen them together, and they don’t have a whole lot to talk about. Here comes the really judgemental bit:
She’s decided that it’s a good idea to like him, because he likes her, and she doesn’t want to be single. She’s even convinced herself that there are all sorts of things to like, and her imagination is so powerful she can ignore the fact that he’s a neanderthal. She’s become quite fond of clichés like ‘I’ve never felt this way before’ and she interjects them into conversation as often as possible to further convince herself of their truth.
You know, I bet you can apply the above to a relationship you’re familiar with. Maybe without the tracksuits, or the ignorance, or some other detail. But the big picture? I think there are plenty of couples out there who are together for all the wrong reasons. People who believe they’re in love just because they like the way they feel about themselves when someone else calls them beautiful.
The girl in question has always been one to rejoice at drunken come-ons, lewd pick-up lines and inappropriate fondling. The last ‘boyfriend’ was middle-aged and incredibly imaginative. He missed a date one night because he was in intensive care, and turned up the next day looking miraculously recovered.
Is there a way to teach someone to love themselves? And what will I do if this lasts and she asks me to be bridesmaid?!
I’ve taken a bit of a holiday these last few weeks – from the business, from my life, from myself somehow. I feel as if I’m standing on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen. It’s not like me at all; my mind is usually buzzing with thoughts and ideas, I talk at ninety miles an hour, I live and breathe the work that I do.
Now, it all seems a little distant. I’ve had clients, super sessions, and people are getting results, but I’m not that excited by it. I sit down to work and end up looking for GHDs on ebay or dowloading Agatha Christie games… mindless stuff that seems to be keeping me busy. I have fleeting thoughts about the business, little flashes of inspiration now and then, but I can’t seem to process them. I have scraps of paper covered with marketing ideas and deadlines that are festering away on my bedroom floor. I turned one over yesterday to scribble a meatpie recipe on the back, and spent the afternoon in the kitchen.
I wish I knew what I was waiting for. I have a meeting this weekend that could be the future. I think I need someone to give me some encouragement at this stage, someone who is willing to put as much of themselves into this as I do. Someone who will get excited about the prospects and possibilities that lie before us. Maybe the problem is that I think too much, have too many ideas, and end up unsure of where to focus my efforts. Torn between my various passions, easily distracted by long lunches and endless cups of tea.
Regardless, I need to move on with things. The pirate and I have had a few weeks to settle into a routine that works for us both, and there’s nothing else on my mind these days. He’s been fantastic, lately. He’s so sure of me, more than I am of myself sometimes. He doesn’t say much, but we spoke about my work last weekend, and his confidence in me was such a boost.
It’s time to get back into the driving seat.
**Life shouldn’t be a spectator sport.**
