Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: argument, boyfriend, cleaning, ex, paul carvel, quotation, reality, relationship, turtle
The Pirate and I had a brief spat yesterday. We were cleaning the oven, I tried to help him with his bit (cleaning the gunk off the wire racks) and he reacted like an insolent fourteen year old.
I hate the person that he thinks I am.
He sees me as a controlling, bossy bitch who gets stroppy when she doesn’t ‘get her own way’. I swear I’m not – I have been described as ‘too laid back’ on occassion. He just sees suggestions as commands and requests as orders. Another example – I recently asked him if he’d help me clean out the turtle’s tank.
Yes, he said.
Really? I asked.
Definitely, he replied.
When?
Right now.
I got started, and when there was no sign of him after ten minutes I went back into him and asked again.
Just tell me if you’re not going to help, I don’t mind doing it alone.
I will.
Ok.
Still no sign. I asked a third time and he angrily joined me, stomping, slamming doors and creating drama any way possible. Ok, maybe I shouldn’t have kept asking – but surely he should have just told me he didn’t want to help? He’s afraid of the word ‘no’. Terrified. Which leads to situations like the above on a regular basis.
This is possibly the dullest post I’ve ever written, but I do find it fascinating the way people twist reality to fit in with their own illusions. As far as he’s concerned, I demanded that he help straight away and got angry because he didn’t. As far as I’m concerned, he said he’d do something then didn’t do it, which led to me reacting reasonably distressed. Which one of us is right?
The operative word in the opening line above is ‘brief’. We got over it in record time. Because I know I don’t have to put up with this forever, that I’m not going to live with him for long, that we’re not going to have kids, because his issues have nothing to do with me anymore. Phew.
In other news, we’re going on a last minute sun holiday together. Yep. I’m packing a suitcase full of books I’ve been looking forward to reading, and leaving my phone at home. Heaven. And I think we’ll get along fine – there might be a disagreement or two, but that’s why we broke up, right?!
Ever been on holidays with your ex? Ever realised how incompatible you were because you had different methods of oven cleaning, or something equally ridiculous? I broke up with someone because I hated his shoes, and someone else because he was so tall that I could always see up his nose. As far as I’m concerned, if little things like that bother you there’s no point in pretending it’s ever going to work.
(The title is a quote from Paul Carvel.)
Filed under: LOVE, Relationships, Single life | Tags: argument, communication, crossword, education, language, modes of learning, ray lamontagne, study, wii
I was sitting here listening to Ray LaMontagne, about to get stuck into a crossword, when the boys arrived. The Pirate and his best mate are having a vigorous rowing match on the Wii before going to soccer later. Of course it’s normal and healthy to have different interests, but is there a point when those differences become too much?
I had a powerful insight into my relationship with The Pirate a few months ago. It was during another argument where I was getting increasingly frustrated because he would barely speak to me. He’d shrug, or nod, or grunt, or ask ‘What do you want me to say?’ That argument, and many others, were never resolved – simply because we found it impossible to communicate.
I realised that it was a problem we’d never solve. And I realised that there’s a straightforward reason for it: we learn and operate in different ways.
I’m really interested in how we learn – the mechanisms and techniques that we use to intake and store information. I’m a firm believer in the ‘modes of learning’ that the Accelerated Learning method is based on. Bear with me while I quickly explain:
The 8 Modes:
Linguistic – good with language and words, learn well from books, words, conversations
Mathematical/Logical – good with numbers and logic, money, problem-solving
Visual/Spatial – learn well from maps, diagrams, charts; possibly artistic
Naturalistic – enjoy the outdoors, care for the environment, learn well from ‘big picture’ explanations
Bodily/Physical – good with hands, possibly athletic, learn well from touching, feeling and doing
Musical – sense of rhythm and rhyme, learn well through music and rhyme
Interpersonal – enjoy being with others, learn well in study group or by giving presentations etc.
Intrapersonal – learn from own experience and mistakes, find it easy to motivate self
We all use the various modes – but some will be more dominant than others. As far as Accelerated Learning is concerned, having an understanding of which learning modes are your most dominant will help you to learn more effectively and get more enjoyment out of studying. For example, someone who is Physical/Bodily will benefit from field trips and hands-on practice much more than from reading or watching presentations.
I believe that these learning modes affect other areas of our lives too. I’m Linguistic – I’ve always loved reading, writing and talking and find it easy to learn from the written and spoken word. It seems that in a relationship I need verbal (or written!) reassurance of love.
I’m starting to believe that a lot of the problems couples have come down to the differences in how they learn. The Pirate is bodily/physical in his work, in his interests, and in his communication. I’m linguistic in almost all aspects of my life, and I never heard the words I needed to from him.
