Filed under: Relationships, Single life | Tags: death, depression, family, Relationships, single, stress
Today I heard that my grandfather has about three weeks to live. That is, unless he starts taking his medication. Which he won’t take because he so depressed that he’d actually rather be dead. The ironic thing is that he won’t take anti-depressants as he’s afraid they’ll kill him.
There’s nobody here to hug me and make this seem ok. There never is. I’m single, so I don’t have the luxury of splitting my pain two ways. I don’t even have a shoulder to wipe my tears on. My parents went home together, united in their anguish. My sister is putting the kids to bed, then she’ll sit down with her husband for the evening. A team, ready to battle against the sorrows of the world.
I’m alone. And I don’t think I’m any worse off for it. I find that during most truly sad occasions, there’s nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. Being held when you’re crying doesn’t make you want to cry any less. It just means you have to worry about your mascara or mucus ruining someone’s jumper while you cry.
I make myself tea. I think. I write. And I’m uninterrupted. I don’t have to listen to anyone else’s point of view, or pretend that their words of advice are having an effect. I’m not going to upset anyone by withdrawing into myself for a few hours, or hurt anyone’s feelings by snapping at their attempts to cheer me up.
Sometimes, we don’t need to cheer up. We need time to accept reality.
People in relationships develop ways of coping with trauma the same way smokers or alcoholics do. Stressed? Have a hug. Upset? Tell me about it. Anxious? There, there. The constant attention, the sounding board, the affection. These things become essential means of dealing with the vicissitudes of daily life.
What happens when you run out of cigarettes, or can’t get a drink? You realise you have no other coping mechanism. You’re helpless, waiting for someone to walk into the room or into your life who can help you deal with the world around you.
Filed under: Hobby, business | Tags: crosaire, eithne farry, irish times, lidl, paddy power, scrabble, yeah! i made it myself
Yes, I’m a lazy blogger. Work has been surprisingly busy of late – the global economy is in a tailspin, the snobby neighbours are shopping in Lidl, and my diary is still full. Thank you, universe.
I’m unleashing my creative juices on the world at the moment – I’m attending a creative writing class which is HUGE fun and I’ve just invested in a wee sewing machine. A local curtain shop sells bags of scraps for €2, so soon I’ll be parading around like a Von Trapp kid.
I fell in love with this book by Eithne Farry:
She’s fab – the book is full of shortcuts and stories, as well as a few inspirational projects. A sewing book with a sense of humour – what a find!
In personal news, the Pirate and I continue to live together, happily. He’s working all weekend but sent me a tip for a horse earlier - sweet. Speaking of betting, the funniest emails to hit my inbox over the last few months have been from Paddy Power. Marketing genius.
Life is very straightforward these days. No emotional drama, no blog fodder. You can see why I’m focusing on the handicrafts. I might start a blog about the Irish Times Crosaire; it’s where the rest of my free time goes these days.
Anyone for Scrabble?
