Filed under: Relationships, Single life | Tags: death, depression, family, Relationships, single, stress
Today I heard that my grandfather has about three weeks to live. That is, unless he starts taking his medication. Which he won’t take because he so depressed that he’d actually rather be dead. The ironic thing is that he won’t take anti-depressants as he’s afraid they’ll kill him.
There’s nobody here to hug me and make this seem ok. There never is. I’m single, so I don’t have the luxury of splitting my pain two ways. I don’t even have a shoulder to wipe my tears on. My parents went home together, united in their anguish. My sister is putting the kids to bed, then she’ll sit down with her husband for the evening. A team, ready to battle against the sorrows of the world.
I’m alone. And I don’t think I’m any worse off for it. I find that during most truly sad occasions, there’s nothing anyone can say to take the pain away. Being held when you’re crying doesn’t make you want to cry any less. It just means you have to worry about your mascara or mucus ruining someone’s jumper while you cry.
I make myself tea. I think. I write. And I’m uninterrupted. I don’t have to listen to anyone else’s point of view, or pretend that their words of advice are having an effect. I’m not going to upset anyone by withdrawing into myself for a few hours, or hurt anyone’s feelings by snapping at their attempts to cheer me up.
Sometimes, we don’t need to cheer up. We need time to accept reality.
People in relationships develop ways of coping with trauma the same way smokers or alcoholics do. Stressed? Have a hug. Upset? Tell me about it. Anxious? There, there. The constant attention, the sounding board, the affection. These things become essential means of dealing with the vicissitudes of daily life.
What happens when you run out of cigarettes, or can’t get a drink? You realise you have no other coping mechanism. You’re helpless, waiting for someone to walk into the room or into your life who can help you deal with the world around you.
Filed under: Hobby, business | Tags: crosaire, eithne farry, irish times, lidl, paddy power, scrabble, yeah! i made it myself
Yes, I’m a lazy blogger. Work has been surprisingly busy of late – the global economy is in a tailspin, the snobby neighbours are shopping in Lidl, and my diary is still full. Thank you, universe.
I’m unleashing my creative juices on the world at the moment – I’m attending a creative writing class which is HUGE fun and I’ve just invested in a wee sewing machine. A local curtain shop sells bags of scraps for €2, so soon I’ll be parading around like a Von Trapp kid.
I fell in love with this book by Eithne Farry:
She’s fab – the book is full of shortcuts and stories, as well as a few inspirational projects. A sewing book with a sense of humour – what a find!
In personal news, the Pirate and I continue to live together, happily. He’s working all weekend but sent me a tip for a horse earlier - sweet. Speaking of betting, the funniest emails to hit my inbox over the last few months have been from Paddy Power. Marketing genius.
Life is very straightforward these days. No emotional drama, no blog fodder. You can see why I’m focusing on the handicrafts. I might start a blog about the Irish Times Crosaire; it’s where the rest of my free time goes these days.
Anyone for Scrabble?
Filed under: LOVE, Relationships, Single life | Tags: bridesmaid, comb-over, confidence, judgement, mammy, neanderthal, self-esteem, tracksuit, unemployed, wedding
I have this friend – seriously, it’s not me – who is going out with one of the most repulsive creatures I’ve ever met. It’s not the fact that he’s 30 and unemployed (forgivable in the current economic climate, though as far as I’m aware he hasn’t worked for years) or even the fact that he still lives with his mammy. It’s not just the comb-over or the way he owns a wardrobe full of tracksuits, and not much else. It’s not his thick Irish country accent or his inability to formulate a full sentence without resorting to grunts and nods. It’s a combination of all of these things, and the fact that he speaks to her as if she were a slightly lesser human being simply because she’s female.
Enough about him. What’s worse is that she acts completely oblivious to all of the above, and spends all her time talking about how she’s ‘never felt like this before’, how he’s a ‘keeper’, and how she can imagine their wedding day already. She prides herself on giving him space (she detests ‘clingy’ girlfriends) and not having any expectations of him. Lucky guy.
What really bothers me is that I don’t think she has any real feelings for him at all. Not just because I find him hideous, but because I’ve seen them together, and they don’t have a whole lot to talk about. Here comes the really judgemental bit:
She’s decided that it’s a good idea to like him, because he likes her, and she doesn’t want to be single. She’s even convinced herself that there are all sorts of things to like, and her imagination is so powerful she can ignore the fact that he’s a neanderthal. She’s become quite fond of clichés like ‘I’ve never felt this way before’ and she interjects them into conversation as often as possible to further convince herself of their truth.
You know, I bet you can apply the above to a relationship you’re familiar with. Maybe without the tracksuits, or the ignorance, or some other detail. But the big picture? I think there are plenty of couples out there who are together for all the wrong reasons. People who believe they’re in love just because they like the way they feel about themselves when someone else calls them beautiful.
The girl in question has always been one to rejoice at drunken come-ons, lewd pick-up lines and inappropriate fondling. The last ‘boyfriend’ was middle-aged and incredibly imaginative. He missed a date one night because he was in intensive care, and turned up the next day looking miraculously recovered.
Is there a way to teach someone to love themselves? And what will I do if this lasts and she asks me to be bridesmaid?!
Filed under: Internet Love, irish language | Tags: affair, dell, disease, irish, language, lazy, LOVE, rte, teapot
The more that happens in my life, the less I write about it. It’s been a busy week, so I’ve been a lazy blogger. Busy, and my keyboard seems to have developed some sort of disease that makes it only register every second letter I type. Infuriating.
It’s always sad when a love affair ends; whether it’s with a life partner or a household gadget. We rely on these things to make our lives work smoothly, and it’s a real shock to find that you’re suddenly free on Friday nights, that nobody is going to fix the broken light in the landing, or that it’s not possible to print a Word file in a hurry anymore.
Although I don’t have anything nice to say about my laptop right now, I’m feeling generous when it comes to this teapot (and everything else on this site).
Yum.
Yep, I know it’s a lazy post, but it’s nearing 2am and the only things on my mind right now are finishing the RTE Guide crossword and dreaming teapot themed dreams.
Óiche Mhaith
Filed under: LOVE, Single life, breakup, philosophy | Tags: inner child, joan didion, LOVE, perspective, resentment, rooibos
While reading the final chapter in Joan Didion’s ‘The Year of Magical Thinking’ I found myself letting go. Of everything that I’d been hanging onto… every last regret, every resentment, every bitter thought I’d been harbouring against the Pirate since we broke up.
The timing couldn’t have been better… I’ve been thinking a lot today about the Pirate and our relationship, as he brought someone home last night. I’m delighted that he’s moving on, but earlier today I was distressed at the thought of anyone changing the great dynamic we have at the moment. The someone he brought home last night is the same someone who stayed over on New Year’s Eve, and I felt threatened at the thought of another woman coming into MY house and interfering with our time together.
Now? Well, I can’t say the idea appeals to me, but I can’t expect the Pirate to put his life on hold just because he’s still living here. His staying was as much my decision as it was his, and I’m willing to deal with the consequences. I’ve also accepted that MY house is, in fact, OUR house. Sneaky inner child.
Yes, I know that I seem amazingly calm and philosophical about all this. It’s because of the massive dose of perspective Joan Didion just treated me too. The Pirate, his actions, and his romances, are never going to really matter. Because we’ve already decided that ‘we’ will never be. Because there are better men, and bigger dramas, in my future. Because I don’t love him anymore.
Maybe a little change would be a good thing. I’ve been neglecting my personal life of late; indulging in anti-social behaviour and spending way too much time in bed. I haven’t even been drinking as much tea as usual. Tomorrow, I’m back on track. Fine-tuning that work/life balance and brewing a pot of Rooibos.
Filed under: Internet Love, wisdom | Tags: blogs, daily makeover, distraction, flights, frittata, google, grammar girl, instructables, internet, make me super, walk in the park, wordie
I’m guessing a lot of you spend too much time online. It’s something I’m certainly guilty of, simply because I get so easily distracted by all the goodies the net has to offer. My answer to most of life’s dilemmas is ‘Google it?’
This week, t’internet has enlightened me in the following ways:
First up, the answer to a question that I’ve investigated so often by now I really should know the answer: the difference between ‘affect’ and ‘effect’. I have to hit the reference books every time I go to use the word, but lo, I’ve found the solution. Grammar Girl sums it up beautifully with this:
And the mnemonic: ‘a very easy noun’ which helps us to remember that affect = verb, effect = noun
Staying with the English theme, I learnt this new word from www.wordie.com:
autolatry
noun
the worship of yourself [syn: idolatry]
I turned both my niece and nephew into superheroes with www.makemesuper.com. Not as funny as doing it to your significant other and them watching it at work with colleagues looking over their shoulders, but amusing nonetheless!
I browsed through random stuff on www.instructables.com… I didn’t use any of it, mind, but I now know of at least 30 different uses for plastic bags.
I tried various hairstyles on The Pirate on www.dailymakeover.com and was pleased as punch until I realised I’d have to upgrade to premium membership if I wanted to give him facial hair. Boo.
I found a recipe for asparagus and leek frittata which resulted in this delectable creation:
Today, I’m keeping an eye out for cheap flights to anywhere with www.skyscanner.net. And, of course, reading your blogs. Two that made me smile today:
Planetross on Optimism
Restaurant Refugee on Mittens
The Yin to my internet-loving Yang is apparent today – I had planned a nice stroll in the park, but it’s 3.30pm already, and the park closes at 4pm. Maybe tomorrow.
Filed under: Literature, music | Tags: books, clutter, coffee, emily dickinson, feelgood, jason mraz, Literature, music, potatoes, telesales, weather, weekend
Today is Monday, and the rest of the week is looming threateningly around the corner. So far it’s been a week of temperamental laptop issues, cold weather and telesales harrassment. Although I try to be positive in the face of Monday misery… I just want to go back to bed and set my alarm for Spring.
My bedroom is a sanctuary this evening, away from the post-weekend clutter that has taken over the sitting room. I’ve seen cigarette ash hiding under the couch, and the kitchen is buried under a pile of dirty teatowels and empty bottles.
This man is the only reason I’m smiling right now!
This is Jason Mraz singing ‘I’m Yours’. I’ve been singing this song like an idiot for the last few days. This is live in Hyde Park last year – I love the way he plays with the crowd.
Other things that are improving my mood today:
1. GOOD coffee.
2. Potato farls (maybe an Irish thing?)
3. And this Emily Dickinson poem:
The words the happy say Are paltry melody But those the silent feel Are beautiful –
I’m also excited about starting a new book this evening – I have a stack of around 22 books waiting to be read, and I’m definitely going to choose something cheerful.
Is there a song that makes you smile instantly?
Filed under: Single life | Tags: alcohol, detox, dj, mashup, music, norwegian recycling, sage
Ever been in that mood where you NEED music but every CD you put on seems… unsatisfying? Where you wish your flatmate or spouse was a kickass DJ who could fulfil your musical whims and entertain you all night long? That’s how I feel right now, but I’ve found the ideal solution.
He is Norwegian Recycling. Crazy mashups of funky tunes you can’t help but sing along to. My personal favourite so far is ‘Ben is Chasing Beautiful Cars’ which samples… you might have guessed some of it…
Sean Kingston – Beautiful Girls
Ben E. King – Stand By Me
Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
Alice Deejay – Back In My Life
Beverly Hills 90210 – Opening Theme
Puff Daddy feat. Faith Evans &112 – I’ll Be Missing You
Phew. He’s Norwegian, he’s beautiful, and he’s talented. And he’s only 24… I feel so unaccomplished!
I’ve been accidentally detoxing for a couple of weeks now – completely unplanned abstinence from alcoholic substances. I think it might come to an end tonight; I feel the familiar thirst returning. Not so much a thirst for beer as a desire for social human company.
I relented today and got in touch with the Unlikely Valentine again. I might see him this weekend. More excitingly… I think I’ll get to see The Sage too. We haven’t been corresponding much at all lately, but it hasn’t changed my feelings for him one bit.
I’ve been writing business-related articles for local publications all day, and I seemed to have reached my daily quota of words… adieu.
Filed under: LOVE, Literature, Relationships, Single life, philosophy | Tags: alexander mccall smith, decorating, dr.seuss, femme, kids, law of three, Literature, milan kundera, mo willems, muffin, nephew, pirate, roald dahl, unbearable lightness of being, unlikely valentine
It was a busy weekend. A few hours of muffin baking and story telling with my niece and nephew this morning. Our current favourite read is this one:
‘Today I Will Fly’ by Mo Willems- a huge hit because of the beautifully simple storyline and hilarious illustrations. My nephew almost wept with laughter the first time we read it a few weeks ago – and insisted on hearing it again as soon as I got to the end! I LOVE it the way I love Dr.Seuss and Roald Dahl books – seriously funny stuff.
I have to include my favourite illustration:
I’m reading an Alexander McCall Smith book at the mo and loving that too – ‘The Right Attitude to Rain’.
Kids and fiction aside, it’s been a hectic few days. I’ve moved into the biggest bedroom in the house – the Pirate decided to stay after all but has moved upstairs to a more private room with an en suite. The Femme took my wee room and I took the Pirate’s old one. Phew. I’ve created some artwork for my walls using vinyl, and also turned my books into a feature by creating invisible shelves. I’ll get some pics up eventually – it’s still a work in progress.
I’m 25 years old, and this is the first time I’ve really made a HOME somewhere. The thought of settling down permanently scares the living daylights out of me, but this feeling of being established in a little community is wonderful and somehow exhilarating.
Speaking of exhilaration… I haven’t spoken to the Unlikely Valentine for quite some time. The character of Tomas in The Unbearable Lightness of Being abides by the Law of Three - when in a casual relationship he’ll see the same person only a) once every three weeks or b) three times in a row and never again. I can’t remember what the principle behind the law was, but I think I might try it for a while – it might prevent the passion of my next dalliance from being so quickly extinguished.
You might be able to tell from reading this that my thoughts are a little disjointed right now - I’m distracted by plans for tomorrow, ideas for decor and, as always, Big Questions. Does he think about me? Why do I spend so much time thinking about him when I can’t even imagine us being together?
(Did I mention that he laughs like John Travolta as Danny in Grease?)
Filed under: LOVE, Literature, Relationships, Single life, breakup, patriotism, philosophy, wisdom | Tags: boardgame, christmas, cooking, friends, housemates, ireland, LOVE, napoleon dynamite, new year, passion, philosophy, pirate, romance, trad, unlikely valentine
Hope everybody out there had a Happy Everything.
Christmas and New Year here were manic – I had three friends stay for New Year’s Eve, which turned into a week and a half of non-stop reminiscing, philosophising, dancing and romance. As a result of the madness, I’m really enjoying the silence in the house the last couple of days - everyone is settling back into their daily lives. I’m feeling very homely, cooking and baking every day. I’m broke, but I can always find the cash for fresh ingredients and kick-ass coffee.
In good old ring out the old, ring in the new tradition, the Pirate and I have decided to go our separate ways. For real this time! We’re really enjoying living together as friends, but there were a few awkward moments over the festive season as the Unlikely Valentine and his friends spent quite a lot of time here. It’s time to move on. The Pirate has given his notice on the property and started the search for new digs.
Napoleon Dynamite returned yesterday after a looong absence. He got me a Silverchair album for Christmas – he remembered that Ana’s Song is one of my all-time favourites. Sweet kid. I feel wretched as I gave in and drank the bottle of whiskey I’d bought him during one of our Big Nights. I’ll replace it with a more expensive bottle to make amends.
It was so wonderful to catch up with everyone over the holidays – two of my guests travelled from Germany, and one from England. It was amazing to be reunited with the most special people in my life for a few days. They’re my kind of girls – up for anything, and willing to analyse it all the next morning over breakfast pints! The biggest theme of the week was PASSION. I’ve been having my Christmas Fling with the Unlikely Valentine, the Femme has been enjoying a dalliance with a local bad boy, and the girls met a few interesting characters while they were here.
The situation with the Unlikely Valentine is as complicated as ever, but I think he’s out of my system for now. I saw a LOT of him over the holidays, and we moved our relationship up a few notches – introductions to friends, prearranged rendezvous, and boardgames. Where’s the excitement?! I got used to waking up beside him every morning, discovered where the stash of loo roll is kept, and grew familiar with the in-jokes. I’ve had high fives from his mates, and he even offered to cook me dinner one night. Enough with the romance already!
All I ever wanted from him was passion. And with the time we’ve spent together, that passion has faded. To put it very crudely, “If he doesn’t want to strip me naked and fuck me on the kitchen counter every now and then, what’s the point?” That’s an excerpt from a conversation with friends last week, and I have the feeling it’s going to stay with me a while.
The Femme, meanwhile, has ditched her bad boy due to similar issues and raised her standards. She will now only consider a relationship with a man who can answer the following questions:
a) Who is Charlotte Bronte?
b) Who wrote The Grapes of Wrath?
c) Who is your favourite poet?
With the return of Napoleon yesterday we decided a few drinks were in order. The four of us (The Pirate, Napoleon, The Femme and myself) went to one of our favourite pubs for the Monday night trad session. The place is a legend – great music, perfect pints, local poets and a cosy winter atmosphere. The Femme and Napoleon excused themselves early, and The Pirate and I were left to remember times past and discuss the new dynamics of our friendship. Time well spent.
I’d like to make a New Year’s toast - to true friends, literate men and happy homes. Happy New Year!
